God's Purpose or God's Permission

It has been a while since I have been able to blog.  In my previous blog I said I was having some problems with my back and that it could be weight related.  Well the doctor did an MRI and they found a mass in my pelvic area then an US was ordered and it showed a 9cm mass in my pelvic area on the left side.  From there things just went really fast.  The Salem surgeon would not do anything because they felt it was cancer so they sent my to the Rose Quarter Cancer Center on a Monday and by Thursday I was in surgery.  The surgery was to be a 3 hour surgery and a 6 day hospital stay.  It took Dr. Tseng 2 1/2 hours to get to that mass and in doing so he had to cut up my colon then he found a 8cm mass on the right side.  He called in Dr. Richard Jamison and he had to remove some of my small intestine and colon.  Well 6 1/2 hours later I came out of surgery with a NG tube and a loop ileostomy leaving me with an ostomy bag.  This was one of the hardest things to adjust to.  Dr. Jamison will be doing a reversal at the end of July if all things go good.  I ended up being in the hospital for 16 days.  Then a week later I stopped taking the pain meds that I had been on and went into a drug withdrawal causing me to have to have to return to the hospital for a few days.  In the mean time my wound became infected with staff infection and had to be opened up down to the muscle.  I only looked at it once and could see the muscle and the sutures in that.   After that my husband had to take over and do all of my dressing and wound care because it had to heal from the inside out.  Then last week my ileostomy scared shut and had to be reopened (with out and deadening  I might add).  This caused me to lose a lot of fluid and then my blood pressure went to 80/40 and I went into renal failure causing me to go back into the hospital.  I now have a pic line and have been having to go to STEPS in Silverton for IV therapy.  Finally yesterday my blood levels came in as normal and I am done with the IV therapy and Dr. Jamison will be pulling out the pic line ( IV line going to the heart since all my other veins are not very good at this time) on Friday.   I am getting real close to having my wound healed and that is all doctor is waiting for to do my other surgery.  All this to say that God is very good to me.  I am having a hard time getting the strength to do much so I am getting to spend time with God and that has been wonderful.  We do not know how we cram our lives full and leave a few minutes for God.  When you are able to take time to get to know Him it is awesome. I am still trying to figure out what it is going to take to keep myself in touch with God all the time but I do know that I am getting closer to figuring it out. I do know that I want God's purpose for my life and I do not want to just get by with His permission.  God bless you.